Macabre

By Georgia Bowan

I could have walked it right off

But you and I both know it’s all I ever talk about

I broke the tooth of the comb off

It’s not a good look for a woman to draw first-blood

If I can even call myself that?

I guess I have a womb and I know I’ll have to live with it

While I’m clawing your eyes out

Animal instincts are kicking in a bit too hard

It’s a bit too much

For me.

I met this guy at the pub

He was going on about head spins as if it was important

While he was rubbing his gums

Now his hand is on my thigh and I’m thinking I might throw up

I know its a little macabre

Cause I’m feeling the bile rise in my trachea

And so you tore me apart

No, I never wanted this, I just wanted to make you smile

Make you smile.

And this was never how it was meant to be

Shedding my exterior to be someone else’s feast

Ever since I got my blood I've been wondering who am I supposed to be?

if I'm not sweet, savoury or happy?

I am not sweet, savoury or even happy.

I’m stubborn like my mother

And I don’t think I'll ever let this one go

I know I’m cruel and callous

Must be some kind of chemical overload

You carry yourself like a man

But everybody knows you're just a little boy

And I know that you faked it

Cause I saw you spit right after we smoked

I won't be bitter

If I pass you one day on the street

I'll be cool

Unlike the violent bitch I used to be

Still, I am agitated

Gnawing at my knuckles on the bus

And I will wait patiently

Like cattle waiting for the slaughterhouse.