I Do Not Know How To Be Beautiful

By Georgia Bowan

There are days where I cannot leave my room.

I feel like my skin is plaster pulled over an uneven skeleton that buckles and cracks with every movement I make. My face repulses me, my mannerisms even more so.

I don’t know if these feelings are normal or not. Whether maybe every human lives life in personal disgust and humiliation at their apearence. Whether everyone is repulsed by the words that come out of their mouth. Its hard to believe I am the only one trapped in this torturous purgatory of flesh and bones. I cannot imagine that men feel this way.

I think these feeling of deep resentment and hatred I harbour are something only a measly girl like myself can experience. As a young child, people have never found me beautiful, and so I grew not to be. Boys are not meant to be beautiful, but more than often they are lucky enough to be.

I have met many beautiful boys and many not so beautiful boys, but still they are just boys. Their worth is not deterred by a lumpy frame or hideous face. Girls have to be beautiful, otherwise they are no longer girls. This is just how it goes.

There are days when I cant leave my room because the feeling of my limbs attatched to me upsets me.

I have never been beautiful and never will be. Because of this, love and connection is harder to find and thus I live a more solitary and lonely life. And so, I was raised as an un-beautiful girl, a lesser girl, and that is just how I must live.